Page 14: of Maritime Reporter Magazine (December 2012)

14Maritime Reporter & Engineering News In the years that I have been authoringthis column, I haveseen and commentedon numerous developments of interest. None have been as unexpected, though, as the below document which inadvertently came to myattention. Rumors have swirled recently of unrest in the Arctic, but few sus- pected that it had reached this level. I submit the doc- ument unedited for thecareful consideration of my long-suffering readers. GOVERNMENT UPDATE Arctic Animals Manifesto (Source: NOAA Photo Library, Photographer: Mr. Ardo X. Meyer, NOAA (ret.)) ManifestoThose of you fellow Arctic animals who have been paying attention could not have helped but notice that human beings are increasingly entering our environs without our permission and with little orno concern for our well-being. I refer notto the small population of native humans (calling themselves various names), but to those humans that normally reside inthe temperate or equatorial climates (out-siders). We have a long-established rela- tionship with the native humans, based on mutual respect and the understanding thatthe harsh but fragile Arctic environment is our common concern. Outsiders, though, lack that mutual re-spect and understanding. They are so ac- customed to molding and dominatingtheir environment that they blithely as- sume the same can be accomplished inthe Arctic. Their naiveté places us and our environment at unnecessary risk. It is incumbent upon all Arctic animals to exert maximum effort to bring these in- cursions by outsiders to an end, at leastuntil such time as they have acquired the level of awareness exhibited by native hu- mans.Outsiders possess technology far in ad- vance of our own. It would therefore be foolish to directly oppose them. Fortu- nately, outsiders are easily dissuaded and are even easier to mislead. We Arctic an- imals must therefore engage in a con- certed effort of misinformation. Most outsides are focused on monetarygain. They are not coming to the Arctic to experience the unmatched landscapes or learn about the complex ecosystem. Rather, they are coming to exploit the wealth that has remained hidden fromview for countless eons. They seek en- ergy resources ? oil, natural gas, and coal. They seek mineral deposits ? gold, silver, zinc, copper, iron, nickel, and rare earths. We are concerned lest the outsiders, in their drive to accumulate monetary wealth, inadvertently cause permanent harm to our homes and our environment. One of our biggest assets is the smug-ness of the outsiders. They assume that, because they largely dominate the tem- perate regions, they can do likewise in the Arctic. Equipment and techniques thatwork well in other regions often prove of little moment in our domain. The Arctic environment holds many surprises, often unpleasant, for the neophyte outsider. Outsiders also assume that they are su- perior to us. While they have many ad- vantages, they are not omnipotent. They are also not accustomed to operating inour environment. As some would say, we have the home field advantage. We are also wise in ways that outsiders cannot comprehend. Because they are arrogant, outsiders are somewhat easy to outwit. Outsiders have tried to bring floating rigs into the Arctic in efforts to locate and exploit offshore oil and gas deposits. These rigs are huge but fragile. I propose that whales push ice floes at these rigs,forcing them to discontinue operationsand move to avoid contact. Other crea- tures could work to foul their cooling sys- tems, forcing expensive and time-consuming repairs. Marine mam-mals and large fish could haul nets, lines, kelp, and other material into the rigs? del- icate and expensive dynamic positioning (DP) equipment. At this point it is useful to note that we animals perfected dy-namic positioning eons ago, but the out- siders give us no credit. Birds could carpet-bomb the rigs and support vessels, turning them into virtual guano islands.Before the outsiders commence use oftheir floating rigs, they conduct what they consider sophisticated surveys of the seafloor and the seabed. This is gener- ally done by slowly dragging long cables MR#12 (10-17):MR Template 12/3/2012 11:16 AM Page 14